Splitting the Post-Childbirth Tasks Between You and Your Partner

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Splitting the Post-Childbirth Tasks Between You and Your Partner

Written by Elizabeth L Perkins

Thursday, 04 February 2010 13:26

Moms have long complained about the imbalance between what they do and what their male partners do in caring for their homes and families. In effect, moms tend to do more (often, much more). From midnight feedings and changing diapers, to washing the dishes and doing the laundry, the list of tasks is as exhausting as it is endless. It's little wonder that mothers become a little frustrated with the fathers, especially if they're juggling their tasks after coming home from a full-time job.

Fortunately, things can change and it's relatively easy to make it happen. Below, you'll learn a few "secrets" other parenting couples have used to forge a more equitable division of household labor.

Communicate Your Respective Values

One of the most common mistakes new moms and dads make is assuming they have the same goals and perspective. In reality, that is rarely the case unless each parent's goals, short-term plans, and values are openly discussed.

Take the time to find out how you and your partner each spend a normal day. Ask each other about your respective values and plans. Does your partner want to buy a home? Does he want to start a business? Where would he like the family to be in 5 years? Likewise, communicate your own goals. Do you want to return to the workforce in the next 3 years? Do you want to begin saving for your baby's college education? The only way to dovetail your goals and plans with those of your partner is to communicate them.

Speaking Of Communication...

In the corporate world, executives meet and talk about their progress toward accomplishing defined objectives. It's a way to keep things on track. You and your partner should do the same with regard to your long-term post-childbirth plans. That way, you'll have a better idea regarding whether you both need to escalate your efforts to achieve your dreams.

For example, if your combined savings and investments are falling short of your projections, do you need to get a part-time job to make up the difference? If your partner expects to get a coveted promotion, but will need to move the family to take the position, what needs to be done beforehand? Try to have these discussions once a month.

Create A List Of Chores

Communicating your respective values and noting your progress toward your family's long-term goals sets the stage for getting things done throughout each week. And that's critical for an equitable division of labor.

Create a list of everything that needs to be accomplished on a regular basis. You and your partner should then choose items that you want to do. Split the rest according to your available time. Not only does that place the responsibility for specific tasks on each person, but you're less likely to resent your partner for failing to carry an equal load.

New moms often take it upon themselves to do more than their fair share of the household work. That's a recipe for frustration. Talk to your partner and share your respective values. Communicate your goals and design a task list that accommodates them. It may not make changing diapers more pleasant, but it will give you the satisfaction of knowing your family is moving in the right direction.